Sunday, August 03, 2014

Slowly Coming Back

   Sorry been gone forever. Had a few people ask why I wasn’t writing anymore but 20 or so months of writing every other week plus a thesis has me burnt out.

So much has happened and well, I’m not sure where to beginning but sort of at the beginning if there is one.

We moved. After a year and a half of trying to short sell my home it was done with a flick of a pen..done. I cried about it for a few minutes as we packed the remnants of our stuff and I turned around for one last look. 10 years..gone. 10 years of struggle..gone. 

  One of Colin’s friends was getting married and still hadn’t moved out of his bachelor pad and into a place with his fiancée, we figured once he got married he’d probably have to sell his house or rent it.. hhhheeeey! So the friend got married in April, we moved out June 6th  and we sold the house mid-June.  It’s cheaper than what I was paying, the kids get their own room (the girls share and Colin’s son gets his own), we get a funky loft room and a rental with some character. It’s also a place I can hide and build up my credit.  We figure we’ll be here at the least a year at the most two depending on my job situation.  Sigh, yeah this has become a serious issue. I lost my job at Best Buy and again at 3M which is what started the whole house situation. I landed a temporary job at Honeywell helping test and improve thermostats. What was supposed to be 3 months turned into a year and many open slots I applied for. Many managers felt I would be a great asset but I was never hired, not sure why. I was told it was due to lack of money and several of jobs I applied for were eliminated. I was hoping since I helped open the door on social media platforms and informed the head of MARCOMM that I would like to be the manager of Social Media and run all new product campaigns on them, that would get my foot in the door. However, they started up the platforms with someone who knows little to nothing about social media and started them all up based on a new product campaign. A little disappointed there. I liked it and met some really great people.

  I haven’t had a permanent job in over 2 years and every time I apply for unemployment it gets smaller and smaller. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m not supposed to make so much that I don’t go out and look for a job or decide to stay on it for a while, I get that. They give me 40% of what I made, which is almost as much as a part time job. Thank God we moved!  I’m hoping once I’m finished with school the MA portion of my resume will help.

     I have one class and a Capstone left before I finish, if I finish. Instead of a thesis on a topic we are passionate about we were told last summer that we need to do an Action Research Project. This requires many approvals before it can be turned over to the Human Testing Committee. I am having trouble maintaining the B average required to continue the graduate program. Enough that I have decided if I can’t get an A in this current class I will take a break, work on my ARP (thesis) then return next year to turn in my ARP and present my research. I have been thinking about it for a while since all the paper writing etc has zapped my creativity and social life. I’m not happy about it, not only does it mean I graduate later than planned but I feel that I’m holding Colin back a bit since my graduation and finding a new job is what we've agreed to do before he starts college and finds a new job. So I feel bad about that.

  Then the engagement! Well I never expected we have been talking about getting married since the third week of our relationship. While this is a very scary process for me I don’t think I could much more of a guarantee of a happy life. I did say in the past that I’d never marry for the basic ideal of marriage simply doesn't fit my lifestyle nor does it fit my idea of retirement. I have not made an exception but have found someone who shares the same idea of marriage, same lifestyle and idea of retirement. It has never been a question of commitment or fidelity to me for that has never been the case when I have committed myself to someone. It has always been the case of my partner being unfaithful or not wanting to commit to me, so that made me not want to seriously commit to anyone. Truth be told is that I still don’t want to get married, I do want to marry Colin. I love him, period. He’s been the only man I feel comfortable making this type of commitment to. He gives me unconditional love that I haven’t experienced before and it makes me want to give it back. He also doesn't make me want to punch him in the throat or irritate the hell out me. 

As far as a wedding date, we haven’t decided and a wedding will depend on when I get another job, how much I make and if I graduate on time.  We have “sort of” decided that April will probably be the month and Belize will be where and that’s about it. All of that is contingent upon me getting a job anyway. Hard to believe that it’ll be 2 ½ yrs in September. 
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