Tuesday, October 29, 2013

About the Kidlets

    Colin has 3 kids; a daughter who’s 15, a son who’s 12 and a daughter who’s 5. I like them. I do. They are great, great kids. A bit nerdy, a little moody, have “you couldn’t possibly understand me” moments, but are truly great little munchkins. I like that they come over every other weekend. I like hanging out with them, getting their perspectives, laughing, joking around. If any of them want to hang out with me or talk, they can, the option is always open. I really have no rules on time with them. If they want some extra daughter/daddy or father/son time, it is never a question. I even suggest Colin take afternoons off to spend some one on one time with each kid. I think they need it, want it and should have it especially since their parents are divorced and dating.

   I don't treat Colin's kids as if they were my own. They aren't mine nor do I want them to be. I’m sure it gives their mother peace of mind to know that I’m not going to “steal” her children away from her or am some abusive, insecure nut job. Between Colin and his Ex, they have come to an understanding that their children are theirs and I will not take any part in the raising of them. I am to be friends, “daddy’s girlfriend” and backer of Colin and his Ex’s rules and raising standards, whether I agree with them or not. Colin and his Ex do not want or need my money or input to help raise or care for them unless it’s for birthdays, special occasions or holidays,then it becomes my choice to contributing to the purchasing of gifts. Basically I’m not allowed to randomly buy them clothes, a car, toys etc. without Colin or his Ex’s permission. Which I agree with and think is fair.

    Now, it's fair to say that if one of them acts up, or does something they shouldn’t that I would say something. So let’s not misunderstand, I wouldn’t let them walk all over me nor would Colin or his Ex allow it. His kids are very mild mannered and well behaved. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to any of them to be dishonest, or even talk above a whisper. His Ex is fairly nice, we aren’t besties but I get along with her well enough to not have any drama between the three of us. We can all hang out together and not have any issues, arguments or drama. It is a fairly nice set up which I think all three of us are comfortable with.

    So, with that being said once we get married yes, I will technically be a step mom to his kids but not necessarily act as one. I’m not a mom now nor will I ever be. I do talk about how great his kids are, worry about them etc. but I am completely aware that they are not mine, which does not mean I treat them with indifference or am cruel or mean; I am not. They are simply someone else’s children. 2 out of the 3 are almost grown and definitely have their own ideas on what type of relationship they would like to have with me. I accept whatever form that takes.

    Some people who marry others with children refer to them as “their” children, buy new houses to accommodate their new family, take the kids to and from school and are completely involved in every aspect of their lives. In our case, I will be involved in their activities and lives but we will not be buying a new home to accommodate 3 kidlets who stay with us 2 weekends out of the month. For now the kidlets prefer to be where they feel comfortable and familiar; at their mother’s. All three of his children have made it clear that they do not want 2 bedrooms, 2 places for their toys and crafts or 2 places for their clothes. They would prefer everything to stay at their mother’s, which is fine for all involved. So for now Colin will go to his Ex’s to hang out and watch them until his oldest two are out on their own. (He works days and she works nights) .

   I do not want children and have never really wanted them either. I don’t feel I have missed out on anything. I don't have an overwhelming desire to become a mother nor do I need to make my own family with Colin. His kidlets and his Ex ARE my family. I get to watch his kids grow up, I get to spend time with them and they will involve ME in THEIR lives if THEY want to. To be with Colin is to be with his children as well as to help make the divorce less hard, and hurtful for them. I don’t want them to feel as if they can’t see their Dad or that I’m preventing him from doing things with them and I don’t want his Ex feeling that way either.

  Does this mean that we don’t get to spend a lot of time together? Yes. In the 18 months we’ve been together we haven't gotten a full 24 hrs with each other. Yes, it’s hard, but it is what it is and adjustments will be made as the kidlets get older and start to have their own lives. Do I wish he hadn’t had them? NO! I truly enjoy his kids and their neat little personalities. I don’t think Colin would be the person he is without having them so, no I simply don’t think of it that way. He’s an incredible father to his kids and a stand up guy with his Ex. One of the many reasons I love him!
Post a Comment