Friday, July 26, 2013

Something About Knowing It

This isn’t going to be one of those entries that vomits eternal love for my b-friend. I do love him, which I’m certain, considering I’ve never really been certain about ANYTHING when it comes to love.

I’m learning all this new stuff when it comes to my relationship with Colin. I’m certainly not going to bash any of my previous relationships for if I hadn’t had those, I wouldn’t be where I am at in my current relationship.

What I have learned is the old adage that communication is key, well, it’s true. Colin and I talk every night, EVERY night. I find that I WANT to talk to him, about everything. He doesn’t judge me, or think I’m weird or a bother. He never blows me off or doesn’t pay attention and I find that I want to do the same. I turn off whatever I’m focusing on to listen to what he has to say. I find that not only am I interested but I want to give him the respect he deserves by listening.

I have completely come clean on everything I’ve done relationship wise, sexual, living etc. He listens and accepts without judgment. He has met old b-friends and men I have casually dated in passing or at events and has been completely secure in the fact that our relationship is solid and there is no need to be jealous or insecure. In my eyes, he’s the one. Period. Colin isn’t an insecure guy anyway, but I make sure he’s aware that there isn’t a need.

Another thing I have found is that in my last relationship I felt that since this person had known me for many years prior to our relationship and we’d been IN a relationship for so long that he would just instinctually know me, and non-verbal cues would easily be read between us. I would get frustrated over that fact that they were not, and didn’t understand why. In my current relationship non-verbal cues are picked up on and I find he and I speak a language all our own. He knows when I’m scared or nervous even if I don’t show it. I always have to ask him how he knows; he shrugs and says he just does. I find it scary and fascinating at the same time. Here is this person who didn’t know me at all a year and a half ago knows me innately better than a person whose known me more than half my life. Strange.

Most importantly, I enjoy being with him and him with me. We like hanging out with one another and rarely get annoyed or irate being around each other. That is a HUGE first for me. He is finally happy being in a committed relationship with someone who makes him feel good and lets him be himself. That to me is worth its price in gold!

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