Friday, August 19, 2011

Promiscuous Girl

   I had a guy friend tell me the other day that I’m not ready to be in a relationship, for I seem to be preoccupied with “fucking everything”. I instantly was pissed off. I’m sure without knowing me (perhaps knowing me as well) you would assume since I talk about the encounters I have that I am a promiscuous person, for the record I am not. I date a lot (enough for a 41 yr old) but I do not sleep with every one of them. Do I have “lovers”? Sure, on occasion; rare occasion. I had one; the same one for 2 yrs; Christian. He was a person I briefly dated in 2007, and we made a “deal” in 2009 to casually hook up on occasion. We broke it off when he acquired a g-friend and I started dating someone.

I was in-love with “The Dude” for about 2 yrs. He did not want a relationship with me. I made a horribly bad decision to have casual sex with him in hopes of winning his favor. After a year we mutually decided that it wasn’t working out so we dropped it. I briefly dated Dave, a friend of my family. We agreed to be committed before anything “happened”; he got scared and bailed on me. There have been guys who have wanted to be my casual sex partner or guys I’ve liked in between but have not had sex with them. I do not think that any of these situations makes me slutty, a whore, or defines me as “fucking everything”.

I’ve been single for 9 years. I’m not ugly, stupid or dead. With the exception of Christian, I wanted to be in a relationship with these men. I cared for them and in some instances, was very much in love with them. If I am guilty of anything, it’s of making poor decisions on my own behalf. Sex is not a way to win over a guy I know but sometimes I will make compromises to just simply be a lover or friend for whatever reason. Does this mean I’m insecure? Nope, at least not anymore than the average 40-ish woman out there. I have body issues like other women and I might not be the hottest chick out there, but I'm smart, a good person, educated and have a really great, full life with great family and friends. I won’t tolerate being treated me poorly; if they do, I walk away. The case is usually they are sweet, nice, treat me well and the “encounters” are always good so that makes it difficult and is always my crutch.

With that being said, it pisses me off that women are deemed sluts and whores when they have casual sex, for if it were a guy it would be no big deal. It would be expected that they should be having sex with less consideration, respect, and play games while treating women like shit. I do understand not all men are like this, there are, as always, exceptions to the rule. I’m tired of reading bullshit about how a guy doesn’t want a woman who has casual sex, or who sleep with them too quickly etc.. WOMEN don’t want guys who are like that either! I figure if a guy is all over you by the second or third date he’s not interested in you anyways. It works both ways! I’m tired of all the burden and labels always being put on the woman, the same rules and labels should apply for men as well. I know I certainly have no trust or respect for a guy who needs to sleep with me and 2-3 other girls. Frankly in my opinion if a guy can have casual sex on a regular basis with a woman, it’s not that much of a stretch to be in a relationship with her.  I, myself don’t need to spend every day with the guy I’m with; I’m too busy for that. I usually have conversations with the guys I'm with, we hang out, I usually know some of their friends etc. Not much different. Guys, we want you to like us and sometimes we are willing to compromise ourselves at the altar of potential relationships to get your attention. Does it work? Not usually.

Point being here is that neither I nor women like me should be judged for doing the same things men do when it comes to sex and relationships. I think men need to understand that for the most part women are the emotional ones between the two genders; yes there are women that screw around and are assholes just like men, absolutely, but there are also nice women out there to who do not need the baggage of being judged for their sexual prowess. Dating is hard enough on its own.
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