Wednesday, July 06, 2011

All We See Are All the Bad Things..

     I started to write a super long post but decided to save it as a draft and try again in a more concise fashion.

If you’ve been reading me you know that I’m still hurt and getting over this guy… I like him… period.  I (of course) haven’t heard from him, I know now that he’s not interested in a relationship or dating me for that matter.

I knew that he and I wouldn’t end up together "forever" but I also don’t want to be a girl that only dates guys she sees living with in a big house, with 5 kids, a dog and white picket fence either! I’m attracted to him. If nothing else, I think he’d be fun to date on a regular basis. It seemed as if he wanted to try a bit at the beginning and now it’s a lost cause but for whatever reason I’m having a hard time of it. Most days I feel OK with it. Then I see him on T.V. or hear him on the radio, then I get pissed off all over again or overwhelmingly sad at why I really wasn’t given a fair shot. If he’s truly so damn busy, then why bother to pursue me in the first place? Logical question I think and a fair one too.

A good friend of mine told me to sit down and figure out why I like this one so much, so I did.

He’s formal: What I mean by that is he goes beyond the “opening of doors”, and “pulling out of chairs”, he lights my cigarettes, helps me with my shoes, takes my purse for me, makes me a drink the way I like, samples it and if it isn’t the way I like it, he corrects it until it is. He escorts me to my car, gathers my things for me in one place so I can grab and go (we both grab and go). He’s polite and well mannered. He says shit like “would you like a cigarette My Love?” and “little boy’s room”; both make me giggle, in a good and happy way. He asks me if I’ve eaten, or if I’m comfortable or cold. He asks if I would; like to come in, a drink, go in the other room and always allows me to go first into any space. If I have to use the bathroom, he waits for me-always. All are southern formalities that I love in a guy that I haven’t found really. My ex, Paul was/is formal, but not like this.

He’s a bit OCD: Sounds weird, but he likes his sinks free of water so he cleans the piss out of it, every time. I thought it odd at first but once in his house I got it. I’m like that with my own bathroom sink… I can’t handle hair in the sink, it stresses me out. Hard to explain if you aren’t a bit OCD yourself. I also don’t like hair on the bathroom floor. The “other” things I used to be really OCD about have gone out the door for the most part, deliberately, for it was driving me nuts and I didn’t have the time to acknowledge it every day. Realizing, I won’t die if there is cat hair on my comforter and I can deal with it tomorrow when I have time. It's cute, really it is.

He’s a nerd: He admitted that we both have that in common. He’s more of a nerd on the “straight from the 50’s” level and I’m a nerd over the fact that I like comics, video games, sci-fi and goth novels.

I feel some sort of “connection”. Without sounding desperate and creepy, it’s true. If it’s not in a relationship way then I’m not sure what. I’m drawn to places he’s been or goes to; it’s weird even for me. Without sounding like a complete nut bag, I can’t really explain it.

We have a lot of fun when we hang out together. I feel a lot of chemistry. There isn’t ever going to be anything between us. I think he has changed his mind about that, which is hurtful. He says I’m wonderful and interesting, wants to keep in contact and wants to get together again for sure, but doesn’t want a relationship. ~sigh~ That’s unfortunate. I think we’d be fun together.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking I shouldn’t be pining for someone who’s not into me. You’re thinking that I deserve better and wondering why I am putting any thought into someone who isn't into it. And you’re right! I see that. But, just because I see it doesn’t mean I’m not pissed off about it too. I am. I’m also sad and frustrated! Why is it so hard to find?
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