Wednesday, May 18, 2011

50 Things Women Wish Men Knew About Us- Sort of..

I think these things are funny and not always accurate, so I have added my own take on these funny questions..

What We Wish He Knew #1


When we have a problem all we REALLY want is for you to listen. Don’t try to fix it. The only thing we REALLY want to hear is that it will be okay. – Kami-O says: Yeah I agree, anda hug too

What We Wish He Knew #2

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – we really do like nice guys. In other words, don’t be an asshole. We really don’t like them and we never will. This goes for playing games too. Don’t even waste our time or yours. Kami-O says: Yeah, neither gender should be playing games, what are you, 4 yrs old?

What We Wish He Knew #3

Your pants should not be tighter than ours. Ever. Skinny jeans should be reserved for women, pre-pubescent males, and adult males who are still built like pre-pubescent boys only…and Steven Tyler. Kami-O says: yeahhhh

What We Wish He Knew #4

Do not emulate the sexual styles seen in porn. The "jackhammer" is probably the last thing in the world that will get us off. Moral of the story: don't believe everything you see in the movies. Kami-O says: yeah you can if you want to, but I’m guessing mine are better..

What We Wish He Knew #5

Be a gentleman!!!! That means pick us up on a date, come to our door, open the car door, hold open any/all doors, pull our seat out, pour our glass of wine first, etc. Prove to us that chivalry didn’t die with our parents’ generation. Kami-O says: YES!

What We Wish He Knew #6

We will be emotional sometimes. We can’t help it. It’s scientific so remember: this too shall pass… And then likely reoccur about a month later. Kami-O says: No kidding! BTW we hate this shit just as much as you do, TRUST me on this!

What We Wish He Knew #7

Make a plan! We like a man who takes charge. End of story. Kami-O says: As long as you aren’t sitting around everyday and picking your ass, I could care less if you had/have aspirations of being a rocket scientist.

What We Wish He Knew #8

Bad hygiene is a TOTAL turn-off. This includes: bad breath (carry altoids, gum, a toothbrush – we don’t care), dirty fingernails (sure bet we don’t let you touch us), BO (wear deodorant or cologne – just don’t overdo it), etc. We want to know you take care of yourself because it shows you’re capable of taking care us. Kami-O says: If I offer you a piece of gum, effing take it! It’s a hint!

What We Wish He Knew #9

You heard us, YES we want you to care about your appearance but not if it cuts into our mirror time. Taking longer than us to get ready is a turn-off. Owning more beauty products that us is a turn-off too. Sorry guys but you’re the man. We’re the arm candy. Don’t try to outshine us. And if you do, we most likely will think you’re gay. Kami-O says: I think this dumb comment set my gender back about a decade. I won’t make you wait for me if I don’t have to wait for you.

What We Wish He Knew #10

If you do something in the beginning… it WILL be expected later on. For instance, you call or text every day when we start seeing each other; you better believe we’ll still be expecting that daily phone call or text 6 months down the road. Don’t create a pattern you intend to break or expectations you won’t meet. Kami-O says: DON’T text me everyday.. I have things going on, like a job! I will expect to have a job going forward to, that won’t change.


What We Wish He Knew #11

Don't be fooled when we say we’re not looking for something serious or just want something casual. Most of us are lying. So spare yourself the drama and us the extra calories from the Ben & Jerry’s we’ll binge on and leave ASAP. Things will only get ugly. PS if we’re having sex you better run fast because we’re most likely emotionally attached now. You will inevitably hurt us even if you didn’t intend to. Kami-O says: In most cases this is true. You might as well come clean and tell us your intent so we can decide that what to do.


What We Wish He Knew #12

If you don’t want us to think you’re a dog. Don’t act like one. That means don’t hump our legs on the dance floor. And yes, your friends do say a lot about who you are. If they act like dogs, we’ll assume you all belong in the dog pound together. Kami-O says: I don’t even know where to go on this..

What We Wish He Knew #13

Boxer briefs are a good bet. Always. Kami-O says: Next to being nekkid, these are hott.

What We Wish He Knew #14

Don’t ever tell us we’re “crazy” or “overly emotional” or “over reacting”. If you do, be prepared to deal with how “crazy” we can really be. And yes, it’ll be all your fault! Kami-O says: Screw that, I’ll just get pissed and you won’t get laid..

What We Wish He Knew #15

We didn’t like frat boys when we were in college and now that we are older and wiser that has not made them anymore appealing. Kami-O says: Yep.. agreed

What We Wish He Knew #16

Compromising goes a long way. If we’re willing to sit through the game (and yes some of us may actually be into the sport/team) then we want you to “suffer” for our happiness too. Rom coms (aka romantic comedies) may not be your favorite but they’ll make us happy and you might even get some action when we get home. Kami-O says: I usually don’t do Rom Coms, or anything else that makes me cry or stab myself in the face with a pen.

What We Wish He Knew #17

Gifts don't always have to be fancy schmancy. Sometimes, a simple card that shows you didn't forget the occasion means more than anything materialistic. It’s not what you spend-- it’s the meaning behind it. Let us repeat: we really do love the little things you do for us! Kami-O says: Be simple, don’t forget birthdays, V-day and all the important “girl” holidays. Most girls don’t really want you get us random shit unless it’s shoes, jewelry or handbags..

What We Wish He Knew #18

Don't carry Trojan magnum condoms if your penis size does not warrant them... It will not make your penis appear larger. True story. Kami-O says: Don’t do this unless you want us to laugh.. Most girls carry their own condoms anyways. The smart ones do anyways!

What We Wish He Knew #19

We are not your “mom” when we ask you to please pick up the towels (insert any object here), do the dishes (replace with any activity here) or remind you to do something (substitute for anything). Do it the first time we ask and we won’t even remind you of her. Trust us, that’s the last thing we want to be. Kami-O says: How pick up your own shit so I don’t have to do it for the both of us?

What We Wish He Knew #20

Compliment us. Yes, you heard us right. Telling us we are pretty, hot, beautiful, etc will never do any harm for either party involved. Thanks in advance. Kami-O says: Telling us we’re hott or pretty will get you laid, incentive enough?

What We Wish He Knew #21

If you would like to see us in a certain outfit more, compliment us when we wear it. We will remember, guaranteed. This includes undergarments and PJs. But a little FYI, we don't always just get dressed up for you. We like to look good for ourselves too. Kami-O says: I accept requests on clothing!

What We Wish He Knew #22

Emotion is not a sign of weakness. You can be vulnerable around us. However, if you cry at Hallmark commercials, we’ll be very uncomfortable. No woman wants a wimpy “Danny” downer.
Kami-O says: I agree but don’t go overboard. If you don’t cry at your g-ma’s funeral, we’re gonna think you’re a serial killer

What We Wish He Knew #23

But remember communication goes a long way. If you’re having a bad day or upset about something TELL US. Women are nurturers by nature so if you need to vent or just need space let us know. You’ll be surprised by how understanding we can be but take it out on us -- and you’ll have another problem to add to your list. Kami-O says: If you’re having a shitty day let us know so we can back away… slowly!

What We Wish He Knew #24

We’ll often say that we don’t want something (ie: flowers, help moving, gifts, etc) but we’re just saying it so we don’t come off needy. In reality, all we want is a guy to be spontaneous and do things for us without us asking. We don’t like asking for things but yes, we do want them. Kami-O says: Agreed, I’m horrible with this. Just do it, don’t ask..

What We Wish He Knew #25

Laziness is a huge turnoff because we are always secretly assessing how you will do as a dad and if you are lazy that means we won’t have any help in the middle of the night during those first few months. Kami-O says: No shit! DO SOMETHING, anything!

What We Wish He Knew #26

Send flowers just because. “Just Because” flowers are way better than “I’m Sorry” flowers. It’s the little things that mean so much to us. Kami-O says: see #17

What We Wish He Knew #27

Remember we may forgive you but we most likely won’t forget. If you have to apologize, nothing says I’m sorry like a new pair of shoes or jewelry. Surprise us; we may forgive you faster.
Kami-O says: True dat!

What We Wish He Knew #28

When you ask us if something’s wrong and we say “nothing” you better believe it’s not nothing. There is something wrong. We’re just waiting for you to figure out what it is without us having to tell you.
Kami-O says: If she can’t tell you, let it be until she can. Why guess, that’s dumb!

What We Wish He Knew #29

Like #28 if you ask us what’s wrong and we say “we’re fine” start racking your brain for what could be bothering us because we are definitely not fine – we are hurt, sad, or angry & we’re tired of telling you what’s wrong. So whatever it is – it’s your cue to try to fix it. Kami-O says: Once she tells you, don’t fix, say “it’ll be ok, I promise.” And a hug

What We Wish He Knew #30

Don't put cologne/deodorant “down there” if you want us to go “down there”. It tastes like licking Windex. Not that we ever have but we could only imagine. Kami-O says: I have and it does..just don’t..

What We Wish He Knew #31

Yes we want to cuddle after sex. If we don’t we’ll tell you but you sure as hell better try. And no, we don't always want to spoon. Other times we want our space too. Kami-O says: I don’t cuddle but most want to.. We’re usually hot afterwards, so some air is good!

What We Wish He Knew #32

We’ll admit sometimes it makes us nervous when you go out with the guys so be the amazing guy you are and let us know you’re thinking of us. It’ll make us smile and prevent any arguments in the future when the boys want a night out. Kami-O says: Nah, go have fun.. Fun not “hanging out with strippers” fun, just fun..

What We Wish He Knew #33

Confidence is more attractive than good looks but being overly cocky is a total turn-off. It’ll send our douche meter sky-rocketing. Kami-O says: umm, yep and a sense of humor goes a long way

What We Wish He Knew #34

Manscape. Excessive hair anywhere is gross that means on your back too. And trim down below but don’t overdo it. We want a man, not a boy. However, if your hair is thinning just bite the bullet and shave it. We’ll find you sexier and you won't look like a patchy Chia pet. Kami-O says: Yes, I don’t wanna have to braid anything, ever..

What We Wish He Knew #35

Court us. Treat us like the lady we are and yes, that includes paying on a first date. In fact, don’t even make us feel like we have to do a courtesy gesture and reach for our wallet. If not, we’ll find a man who won’t ever let us reach for the bill or go dutch. Kami-O says: For God’s sake, dutch is fine. Why be formal about it?

What We Wish He Knew #36

On a first date-- do not ask us how much money we make, about our previous relationships, or bring the subject of sex up. You’ll look like a creep and we’ll never go out with you again. Also, don’t whine about your life. We’re not your shrink. We want to have fun. Kami-O says: You ask me about those things, but don’t think you’ll get me to pay, be my next b-friend or get laid if you do..


What We Wish He Knew #37

Take control in the bedroom. Don’t ask “Is this okay?” Trust us, if we don’t like it WE WILL LET YOU KNOW! Kami-O says: Shit if needed I’ll make you a map!

What We Wish He Knew #38

Don’t ever lie to us. We will most likely catch you and there will be hell to pay. This means where you went after work tonight to if you really have a girlfriend. Not only is karma a bitch but we will be one too. Kami-O says: True, we have female instincts that kick in when you do this..

What We Wish He Knew #39

Yes we may act as though we love your mom and sisters. Most likely, we’re being nice just like you are about our crazy family. Sorry but it’s true. Kami-O says: If their assholes we’ll most likely tell you and vice versa

What We Wish He Knew #40

If you hate your mom, it’s a big RED flag you most likely have mommy issues. AKA You secretly hate women too. Get therapy. It’ll at least show you’re trying to better yourself and we can’t fault you for that. Kami-O says: I could analysis this one for DAYS!

What We Wish He Knew #41

Sexy lingerie is often itchy and uncomfortable so if we come out wearing it, you better have a big ‘ole smile on your face. Kami-O says: Not true, some nice stuff out there.. Encourage us to wear it and we will!

What We Wish He Knew #42

Getting a bikini wax is the most painful thing ever. We do it for you. You better appreciate it.
Kami-O says: It is painful, but it’s not like childbirth! We don’t do it for you, we do it for us and swimsuit season!

What We Wish He Knew #43

We don’t need your place to be a 5-star hotel but please straighten up. We don’t want to sleepover if we feel like we need to be doused in Lysol to avoid catching any weird diseases. Oh and that hair and junk on the back of your toilet seat is gross. Clean it yourself or get a maid. PLEASE NOTE: There is never an excuse for you NOT to put the toilet seat down. We don't care if it's your place or not...
Kami-O says: If I personally see this, I won’t stay longer than I have to. If your bathroom looks like this, what does the kitchen and rest of the house look like?Ish!

What We Wish He Knew #44

Word to the wise, if you want us to find you sexually attractive do not share your flatulent tendencies with us. If you don’t know what this is – look it up. This includes burping too. It’s gross. Kami-O says: and makes me giggle like a 5 year old unless we are in public, then it’s embarrassing. Don’t do it unless I can too and don’t be weirded out if I do either.

What We Wish He Knew #45

Tell us what we want to hear. It doesn’t matter if you prefer us in jeans and converse or a short skirt and heels, if we ask you how we look you better have a good answer. (ie: We look beautiful because in your eyes we always should). But be your word. If you promise something -- always deliver!!!
Kami-O says: NO! Be honest.. If I look like shit tell me. I don’t want to be walking around looking like I had car-sex even if I just did!

What We Wish He Knew #46

Unlike #45 there are times when you better not tell us what we want to hear. For example, if you tell us you love us then break up with us, we’ll never forgive you. If you tell us you really hate our family, we’ll never forgive you. Or if the outfit is truly hideous and you tell us it looks great, we’ll never forgive you. Moral of the story…think before you speak. Kami-O says: See above answer.. duh!

What We Wish He Knew #47

We really are judging you especially by how great (or not so great) your relationships with your parents and family are and use that to determine your potential as a family man. If you want to pass the test…you better be a good son/brother/etc. This also includes how you deal with the EX-Files if you come across like an angry mean bastard, be prepared for us to run…fast. Kami-O says: If you hate women and we catch on, we won’t like you..period.

What We Wish He Knew #48

Yes, it bothers us when you check out, comment, or drool over another women. It’s not because we’re insecure but we put effort into how we look for you. We want it to be appreciated. Besides, it’s just rude. Have some manners and show respect. Kami-O says: It’s just rude, what are you a caveman?

What We Wish He Knew #49

Don’t ever turn us down if we’re in the mood for sex because guess what we love it too. Probably more than you know so if you turn us down be prepared to deal with some serious blue balls. Oh, and just because you got off doesn’t mean your job is done. There are two of us here. Make sure we’re satisfied too. Kami-O says: This is a huge deal.. If you get off and we haven’t, expect the silent treatment and no sex for awhile.

What We Wish He Knew #50

While it is the age of the independent woman, we do want to be taken care of. In return, we will take care of you. Kami-O says: true
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