Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What You Should Know How to Do...

I have stolen this from Tiff, thought it was funny..

The original article is here

Adam originally wrote about it first.. his entry is here and MUCH finnier than mine..

1. Make a mean breakfast – umm, no.. I don’t know how to really make anything, but I CAN read and CAN follow a recipe including the one on the side of the Bisquik box!

2. Shave – I can shave my girly parts..that counts

3. Make a drink – Oh hellayeah.. You name it and I’m sure I can make it.

4. Change a diaper – I have a younger brother and 2 young nieces, what do you think?

5. Drive in crappy conditions- Did you hear about Saturday night and the glare ice?

6. Spot a liar – Usually, but I’m fairly intuitive..

7. Surf the web anonymously – How in the hell?

8. Buy a gift for a woman – Yeah, but buying something they like and won’t throw away after you’ve left the room, is a gift right there!

9. Off-road without flipping the ATV – Yeah, but I’m sort of a pussy when it comes to riding stuff like this BECAUSE I’ve fell or flipped off of it at some point..

10. Talk your way out of a traffic ticket – It’s called BOOBS! Ladies, God wouldn’t have given them to you if he didn’t want you to use them!

11. Open a bottle unconventionally – Yeah, esp when I don’t have an opener..

12. Unhook a bra with one hand – Yeah, on myself.. I’ve seen some guys do it quicker and faster though..

13. Sew a button – Yeah...I’m a pretty damn good sewer, so that’s a basic.

14. Choose the right urinal – I’ve only peed in a urinal once. I didn’t really care which one it was.

15. Spot fake breasts – Yep, usually is she’s tiny and the boobs are half her body weight, there’s the indicator!

16. Rally after a big night of drinking – Yes, I do this more than I’d like to admit.

17. Upgrade at a hotel – Why wouldn’t you if needed?

18. Unclog a toilet– If you have a toilet, you’ve unclogged one at some point..

19. Parallel park – Yep and I’m really good at it. Just too lazy to do most of the time.

20. Play poker – Yeah, I play a mean game of poker. My Pop taught me!

21. Dance – Yes and well. I was formally trained for years so I can pretty do anything.

22. Do at least ten push-ups on command – Yes, I work out a lot so if I couldn’t I’m sure my trainer would leave me.

23. Shine your shoes – yes..with a rag/brush and shoe polish

24. Iron a shirt – Yep. With or without starch Sir??

25. Perform CPR – It’s been awhile since I was certified, but yes I do know how.

26. Know how to navigate a road trip – A map and automobile..right?

27. Pick up a girl using a dog as your wingman – I haven’t picked up a chick, but a guy? Yep.. My hypocrisy has no bounds, I’m single!

28. Drive a manual car – All my cars with the exception of the Cobalt have been sticks. I prefer them.

29. Choose a scotch/whiskey – I don’t drink scotch and the only 2 Whiskeys I prefer are Jameson and Wild Turkey.. I would think choosing a wine would be more of a skill than Scotch or Whiskey.. ?

30. Paddle a canoe/kayak – I can and have, but am scared shitless of water so.. you figure it out!

31. Use a chainsaw – I’d probably saw off my damn leg.. so no to that one.

32. Tap and operate a keg – I did go to college!

33. Build a fire – Yep.. matches, flint, and with ice..

34. Cast a fishing rod – Yep, been fishing a bazillion times and really like it but usually don’t have anyone to go with..

35. Erect a tent – Of course, did it 2 summers ago.

36. Tie a tie – I used to but have since forgot, esp since the 80’s have pasted and girls don’t usually wear them anymore.

37. Haggle for a lower price – DO you KNOW me?

38. Throw a football –Absolutely.. I can get a nice spin on it and everything!

39. Jump-start a car – If you live in Minnesota, you’ve done this at some point.

40. Pour a beer – See question number 32

41. Know your local professional sports teams – Yes because they all suck now!

42. Some assembly required – I can follow directions..

43. Get your money’s worth at a buffet – I figure if I’m full, then I got my dollar’s worth..

44. Pick up a woman with a one-liner – I’ve done this with both sexes.. The guys usually can be hooked with one word.. “Hi!”

45. Hook up the cable – I’m a total tard when it comes to this type of thing.. I couldn’t even begin to understand cable crap and what goes where..

46. Fry a turkey – No.. sounds gross and dangerous

47. Throw a punch without looking like a sissy – Yeah.. but haven’t since I was in high school.

48. Bong a beer – Yeah, camping this summer.

49. Use a charcoal grill – Matches, lighter fluid.. try not to burn off my eyelashes=success 

50. Change a tire – Yes I do, have and I do have roadside assistance. I think everyone should know how to do this..

And now, MY list of stuff every woman should do in her life:

1. Wear sexy underwear on a regular basis

2. Go to the movies or dinner by yourself.

3. Take artistic, nude photos of yourself.

4. Buy at least 1 pair of expensive designer shoes

5. Make a fool of yourself over another person

6. Help your self-confidence, go to a nude beach somewhere

7. Throw down shots at a biker bar.

8. Go on road trip alone.

9. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter over the holidays

10. Tell someone that has wronged you EXACTLY what you think of them and mean it.

11. Stay in bed with your partner, eat pizza and watch movies all day.

12. Give a stranger something they don’t have but you do.. (Umbrella if it’s raining, a hand to change a tire)

13. Buy flowers for yourself, because you can.

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