Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Priorities

  In the last year it seems that my priority has been trying to find that “connection” or relationship. I have failed horribly, embarrassed and humiliated myself beyond repair. The classy woman I’ve always deemed myself to be has been replaced with a dim, weak, low class version. For whatever reason my priorities shifted. I never wanted the search for a relationship to become a priority in my life, yet here it is. I have so much going on, so much to be thankful for and to be honest I think I’d be fooling myself if I thought that I could give someone time, when I barely have any time to myself. To be honest, I don’t like where I’m going and how this has all become a priority and issue. It doesn’t make me happy and am finding myself sinking into a hole to which I end up digging myself deeper.

I have a house to refinance, I need to graduate from college, start my Masters or start up a second program, quit my PT job and change up my current FT job, I have a demo to cut and a “potential” album to make which requires songs to write.. I have hobbies I need to start back up. I want to take drum lessons, guitar lessons, buy 2 new guitars and a Roland electronic drum kit, along with a keyboard to hook up to my computer so I can continue to write like I used to. I have friends that I wanna spend long summer evenings with and 2 nieces that I want to take out for skating and picnic parties. I want to go back into my heavy running regime because it gives me clarity and makes me not only look good but feel good. I don’t want to have to think about being with someone, because it’s never really been a priority to me nor should it be now. After some long and scary conversations, I’m “closing down the shop” for about 6-8 months to get back to me. I’m stopping the dating and screwing around for it clouds my head and doesn’t allow me to focus. There may be a couple of people that I have been insensitive with, and for that I am truly sorry.

I have had a rough dating patch in the last year and I realize that I was much happier when dating was just dating and nothing else. Gotta go back to that.
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