Friday, October 22, 2010

Getting Out of My Own Way

When it comes to being injured or getting sick, it’s something I just deal with and really don’t talk too much about. When I was growing up, no one really gave shit unless you were bleeding to death or on death’s door with an illness, so you just didn’t make a big deal about a cold or whatever, you just deal with it. As a child, I also never wanted to worry my mother. I have no idea why exactly, I just ever felt that she should have to worry about me since she fretted so much about my father and my two brothers.

Perfect example is when I was in pre-school and developed a bad urinary tract infection. I would cry when I had to use the bathroom, and had a bad discharge from the infection; I kept it to myself. My mother found out when we were at some pre-school function and used the bathroom with me.  She saw my underwear and was upset at why I didn’t tell her; why did keep it to myself? I immediately was taken to the doctor and received 2 shots which relieved the whole issue in a matter of days. In my mind, I just didn’t want to worry my mother. I just didn’t.

 I  picked up an injured cat that was on the side of a road that had been hit by a car. When I picked it up it bit the back of my neck. I didn’t say a word and when my mother was brushing my hair before I went to bed, she noticed the bite. I explained to her what I did and right as rain I was in the doctor’s office the next day. I remember her telling me; not with anger but with hurt, “Why didn’t you just tell me child?” I would feel worse for not telling her. Gah, a child’s guilt!

Anyways, not much has changed in that respect. I did become a bit of a hypochondriac once I recovered from the big “C”, but went right back to the “not telling unless I’m dying or bleeding to death”.. I also, quite honestly don’t expect anyone to really give a shit. People get sick and stuff all the time why would anyone but me give two shits? If I get a cold, I take meds and continue to go to work. If I know I’m contagious or am going to be around a lot of other people I try to stay home past the contagious date, load myself up with meds, then come back to work. Sometimes, like this time specifically, I think it’s onething, and then it turns into something else. I’m not gonna lie, I usually get viral pneumonia every friggin’ year. Something since I recovered from the big “C” leaves me open to it, I didn’t think this time would be any different. I had a fever of over 100 since last Monday. When I went in I was told I had a simple chest cold, so I loaded up on cold meds and dealt with it for 8 days. By the following Monday I was so achy, sleep was becoming impossible. I stopped eating, I was drinking but none of it was coming out and my cough was persistent. Tuesday I skipped part of the day to go to the Dr for I was so fatigued and tired I could hardly move. I described to the Dr what I had been dealing with and she arched her eyebrow and said she wanted me tested for strep, influenza and pneumonia. We did a rapid, a culture, 2 (looong) swabs up my nose and my mouth, and 2 sets of x-rays of my chest. Everything came back negative with the exception of the x-rays which had shown a thick haze of white over each lung. Bacterial pneumonia-Great!

The plan was to come back in 48 hrs after given some anti-biotics to see if I reacted to them positively, if not, I get to be admitted to the hospital. Great! A shot of penicillin in the rear, then a “Z pak”. The goal for the time being is to get the fever down below 100 as much as possible, come back on Thursday to check progress.

I went back yesterday and had everything re checked and my x-rays were the same, no movement, but my fever had broken for the most part so no hospital for me. My Dr. didn’t like my wheezing so prescribed an inhaler of anti-botics and some pills for my cough. I’m due to go back in next week to have my chest re-x-rayed to see if I’m getting better. I asked my Dr about work and going out, what she’d recommend. She told me that under no circumstances I should be doing any physical activity, no drinking (alcohol) and if I get tired I need to go home and rest. Other than that, if I felt fine enough to go work on Friday, then I should go, that if any of my jobs have issue with my absence to call her.

So there it is.. My own doing.. I think for the past couple of years, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, granted I’m not 25 yrs old anymore, so I need to be kinder to myself, including being able to admit to myself when I’m not feeling well. So some of those changes that I had spoken about in a previous entry will have to take place in the next 60 days, I am scared as hell but am resigned to it, for there is gonna be one time that I miscalculate my own strength..
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