Friday, July 30, 2010

Unfair Double Standard

When I was in high school I was labeled as being the “slutty” girl because I’ve always done and slept with whomever I wanted. Sometimes it would evolve into a relationship and sometimes not, mostly not and that was fine with me.

Now I’m 40 and I am still the same way. Sometimes I’m with men to have a relationship, sometimes not, especially lately. Granted, I’ve been going through a mid-life crisis for the past year but I figure this; I sleep with who I want to sleep with. Keep in mind that I was with someone for quite a few years and spent quite a few years just dating, without sex. Not that these are excuses but do I hurt anyone? No. Do I do this frequently? No. I like who I like, and if I like them enough, I do what I want. I feel that it's really the only time that I think about myself and it's all about me. Sorry if that sounds callus, but that is a situation where I feel it can be about me and about what I want. If they dump me or whatever, so be it.

Rarely do I ever get emotionally involved with people I deem as “one-nighters” or “buds with bennies”. In fact, they are usually good looking, very fit guys with shitty personalities of whom I can’t stand. I set up a “no talking” rule. I really don’t want to know anything about them, nor do I want them to know anything about me. Preventative measures I call it.

I’m not into breaking up marriages or relationships. I don’t help men cheat on anyone (that I know of). I don’t get anyone while they’re “in between”, “taking a break” or separated. So I do certainly have standards and rules when it comes to this. I don’t play games or lead people on. I’m pretty up front with how I feel and what my expectations are from the beginning. In fact, if it works out that I can sleep with them on a regular, non-committed basis, I actually set up expectations so both of us know what to expect going forward. No surprises, because, well, I don’t like surprises. Granted, sometimes it gets messy. Mostly on my part if I spend too much time with them, we start to talk and I get attached or sometimes I just disappear if I think it gets too heavy. I really doubt I’ve broken a heart in the bunch.

With that being said, what pisses me off is the fact that because I do the above, I’m deemed a slut and a cougar. Why? If I were a guy it would be no big deal. Shit, it would be expected that I should be doing that with less rules, treating women like shit. I hate that it’s expected that I fall in love, marry and have children, not everyone wants that. I certainly don’t. While yes, everyone wants to be loved and in love, and I’m certainly no different. Am I going about finding it the right way? No, probably not, but I am already in love with someone and if I’m not meant to be with that person, I’m not and so be it. It won’t make finding someone else quicker, neater, better or hurt less.

Point being here, is that as long as everyone involved is under the same understanding, and no one is getting hurt, it’s not a problem. Some may have a moral issue with it, well, then, so be it. You do your thing and I’ll do mine. Some may ask if I even like myself or doing this must make me an insecure person. I like myself, a lot actually. Am I insecure? Absolutely; but not anymore than the average 40-ish woman out there. I have body issues like other women and I might not be the hottest chick out there, but I’m smart, fucking cool and will do whatever I can to help others. I think that says a lot.

I have never lived my life with regret, why would I start now?

Matt. 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
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