Thursday, January 07, 2010

Trying To Make It Right

I heard from Danny aka “The Dude” on Saturday night… Several phone calls and 23 text messages…. If you’ve been reading about the past 7 months, you know it’s been a drama filled stress session for me and I can only imagine what it’s been for him (not as stressful I’m sure!). I was at home last night, thinking, feeling quite bad, and having a hellva night. Then I decided that I needed to stop being so damn selfish. My whole hang up has been for him to commit but yet I don’t want to change him because, honestly when we are just friends, he’s quite an awesome person.

So I basically texted him and asked him if he wanted me in his life. He said he did, just not in way I wanted. I then asked him if he wanted to be friends and he replied with “of course to be friends”. Then I told him that his friendship and happiness are both important to me, that we’d just be friends then. That was that. It’s not what I’d like but if he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Perhaps we aren’t meant to be any more than what we are and I’m happy with being just his friend and not losing him to the world. For whatever reason I feel more comfortable with that than what we've been in for the past 7 months. Let him date, have another g-friend, let me get back into it all and see what happens. We’ll either both move on and find something better or maybe get together in the future…who knows, but he’ll be my friend and I find great comfort in that.

Not all “commitments” in the sense of the word are the same. I’d like to think I’m a bit unconventional when I commit. You go out with your friends and I'll go out with mine. I’m not a clinging, call/text you all the time girl. I like my “breathing” space. I’m not the come over to your house all the time or have to see you all the time girl. I’m not a girl who has my man go out with me all the time, I usually just don’t ask because that’s my time with my girlfriends. I’m not a PDA type of girl. I’m not an “introduce you to my parents 1 week after we’ve been together” type of girl. I’m not a snuggler unless I’m sick or just getting over being sick. I’m not expecting marriage or children, just an eventual, live in partner. I’m not the girl who will want you to move in with me after 6-12 months of dating. I’m not the girl who will share her finances with you-ever.
However, I am a non-cheating girl who expects the same from whoever she’s with, I’m a girl with integrity and is honest. I’m a “lounging in bed, eating pizza and watching TV” kinda girl, I’m a girl who has studied the “art” of being intimate and likes to- often. I’m a “little things” type of girl aka: holding hands, opening a door, making me dinner, putting a blanket/coat/arm around me if I’m cold.. I’m a girl who will be excited to be around or in the same room with you but may not show it, I’m a girl who LOVES a great sense of humor, I’m the girl who gets verklimpt over remembering my birthday, what kind of drink I like, if I’m color blind…I like having someone remember things that make me unique. Quite frankly I look at a commitment as being an enhancement of my life.  I like my life just fine, and I'm not looking for someone to make me happy but to make me want to be better, at well, everything.
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