Friday, December 18, 2009

In Celebration of Friends Series: Paul Meyer

  Even though I don’t remember it completely, I’m sure I had met Paul back when we attended Scott Highlands Middle School. I was friends with his best friends, Pete Undlin and Mark Nelson; in fact they all signed my yearbooks. Well, our middle school split us up into going to two separate high schools. Paul and his friends went to Apple Valley High School and me to Rosemount High School. Unfortunately we lost track of each other as the years went by, we grew up, attended college, got jobs, had relationships.

  We were 23 when I went into the music store he worked in. I was a Music Major at Mankato State and needed a few things for class; I was also looking into buying a new drum kit. I remember looking around at sheet music, looking at the kit and was contemplating leaving when Paul came up to ask me if I needed help.. That was it. I bought the kit, some sticks and few other things from him that day. We stood at the counter and talked for over an hour about music, politics, and our lives. I remember walking away thinking how smart and kind I thought he was. He wrote down in his sales book, “Jazz, music, kit, pretty” and how much he like my name. Funny thing, he still remembers what I was wearing that day, goofball. Anyway, a week later he calls my house wondering “how that drum kit was doing..” Yeah, right, so we talked and talked and talked…

   3 months later I moved to Tempe, Arizona for school. We saw each other a lot (I didn’t consider it dating) the months prior to my move and I was trying to be very thoughtful for I didn’t want Paul to like me and have me move away. Little did I know not only did he like me, he fell in love with me and here I go leaving him. He never told me, not until after a night of sitting in my apt in Arizona talking while he was visiting; I decided that regardless of distance I wanted him to be with me. As I told him this he became angry and threw out all of this which I was shocked. He was hard pressed between me and another woman he was interested in. He never made a decision while he was on vacation. He went back to Minnesota and thought about it and called me to tell me the news…he wanted to be with me too. So started our 13 month long distance affair. He came out on vacation to Arizona in the summer and I came to Minnesota over holiday, which was our only real time together.

  After 13 months of this we decided that on his next trip out we would need to talk about moving our relationship forward; living together. I was close to graduating from the music program and was submitting applications to Europe. We played with the idea of him moving to Arizona, then moving again to Europe once I scored a job with an Orchestra. After much discussion it was decided that I should move back to Minnesota since my friends and family were here, so were his and his job of 17 yrs. So, I packed up my things and moved back home.

  We had a beautiful 2 bedroom condo for about 1 year. It was OUR place and at first he and I had some issues with the arrangement. He and I both very MUCH stubborn and singletons didn’t want to give up “our” space and had a few scuffles about it. After several months, we got over it and found living with the one you love was quite fun! After a year we decided that to be able to pay off the debt he had it would be a good idea to give up our condo in the burbs to live with his folks for a year. I scored 2 part time jobs , along with my full time job and went back to school, where he worked constant over time or double shifts… 1 year ended up being 3 and a “fair” relationship with his family turned into a non-existent one. We fought one last time with his folks about the “status” of our relationship, which was a sore point for all of us. I really wanted to get married to him up until we started getting flak for not doing it already. It really soured the idea for me for the most part. His family made him decide between me or them, he chose me and we promptly moved out.

We found a cheap and nice apt in West St. Paul and moved in 3 days before my 30th birthday. We were so happy to be out of there but I had a hard time getting over the trauma inflicted on us by his folks. This caused us to fight and the fights/arguments became more frequent. He became more of a homebody and a hermit and I became more outgoing and wanted to go out. It wasn’t enough for me to just go out but I wanted him to go with me, and he always refused. Even getting him to commit to a movie was a task and we started to resent each other for it.

  One night after an argument he asked me if he was everything I wanted and if I was happy. My answer was no and his answer was the same. We talked and cried for several hours about what we could do about it. I had soured on the idea of getting married but was more willing to do it if he wanted to. He didn’t want to fight with me anymore, he always wanted to marry me but always felt we were never quite on the same page. We dwindled it down to what we could/would be willing to deal with.. The deal breaker was the arguing. I said I was willing to accept it as a dynamic of our relationship and Paul said he wouldn’t deal with it, granted he still wanted to marry me and loved me very much, but wasn’t willing to spend his life arguing with me. So we decided, with much debate, to break up. We decided I’d keep the apt and he’d move out. He’d grab his things the following week for as Pisces do, we needed to retreat to a private place to deal with all of it. He retreated to a private cabin to “meditate” on it and I stayed at my parents place and our apt. When he came back, we talked about where to go from there. We decided to remain friends for we still cared about each other and we had spent a great portion of our adult lives together. We remained friends, we dipped our feet into the dating pool and found ourselves leaning on each other again and again. It was mostly prompted by my refusal to date but I committed myself to him and he basically followed suite-lightly. Thus began the last few years of our relationship. We spent a lot of time talking about my refusal to let things go and he tried to make up for all the crappy things he did wrong. I made a decision to argue with him less and see if that wouldn’t change things. Well, it took awhile but he figured out what I was doing and promptly told me that it wasn’t going to change anything. That I wasn’t being myself and he truly loved and liked me for well, being ME. Epic fail on my part, and that ended it once and for all.

It’s been 6 years since and we still care and love each other, still argue like brother and sister or as Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham we call it. I throw at him my dating issues and he gives me his opinion on umm, everything! He candy coats nothing when it comes to calling me out on my shit and is completely fair in his judgments. He respects my opinions, ideas and creativity. He supports me in ways I would have never thought and all and all, has made me a better person and makes me strive to be a better one. I feel very lucky to have and continue to share my life with him and feel privileged to be a part of his inner circle since not many people get that far. He is the best judge of character and is truly the smartest and best of all of us humans. Like Kat, I know in a pinch he’d kill someone to get to me and would drop everything if I needed him and has proved it time and time again. He doesn’t mind that I am a goof, a pain in the ass, and sometimes a little girl who needs to be taken care of, despite my protests. He simply accepts and loves me as me, regardless how many arguments; we are family.

 Thanks Picklepuss for being my bestest pal eveR! Lovested u more than the stars in the UNI-verse!!!

Da Princess Butterquuap

P.S. Could ya at least clean up all the blood by the gallows, good God man, isn’t what you get PAID for?!
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