Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Closer to Christmas

I have to say this is a shitty close to the year.

“The Dude” basically stopped all communication with me for whatever reason about 2 weeks ago. I’m thinking like me, he’s had enough. 2 funny things about that though:

1- He told me to text him when I was done with work and when I did AND called him he deliberately blew me off.

2- I’ve been a part of a dating site for quite some time, the other day I was actually matched with him.

Yep. The majority of my issue with him was that he didn’t want to commit. He told me 3 times that he didn’t want to “commit to anybody, period”, and even kicked me out of his apt arguing about it, but there he is on a dating site and matched 97% with me. I looked at what he wanted in a partner and it matched up with who I am as a person..???? Even down to what he put in the Perfect First Date section was almost exactly what I put down, but different verbiage! Makes wonder if he did it on purpose so I’d see it. I think he might be reading my blog too, so if you are, FUCK OFF, we’re done! Games-who has time for it, really?

The dating site thing was something I didn’t see coming and was stunned. It just proves that he lied the entire 6 mos. He simply was too much of a chicken to tell me that he didn’t want to date me, not anyone. I go between extreme anger and sadness about it. I’ve never had anyone treat me this horribly before and I don’t know what to do with it except go into the gym and kick box the shit out of the sparing dummy. So if you need me for anything.... -->

I’ve also decided until I can get a handle on myself, I won’t date. I know I’ve said this before but I’m emotionally exhausted and can’t even begin remotely to deal with a relationship right now. Because I don’t want to be an asshole to the next guy, I’m shelving myself for awhile for I can’t guarantee that it wouldn’t turn into something similar to what “The Dude” and I had. That’s not fair to anyone.

P.S. If anyone wants to beat the crap out of him, let me know. Trust me it’d be karmic justice!

Paul’s cousin is sick and not doing well. His liver and kidneys are severely damaged and looks likes he won’t make it. Poor Paul feels so bad and if he hurts, I do to. He was close to his cousin. I only met him a handful of times, but liked him. He was a good person and a funny guy so it’s really horrible that this is happening. Best I figure I can do is let Paul go off, deal with it and when he’s ready to talk, I’ll be there.

My BFF has a health issue as well. She was told that it could be dealt with after the holiday so she has made her appt to go down to Rochester to have it checked out after the New Year. I’m holding onto the fact that it can’t be too horrible if they are allowing her to wait. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. If it’s anything I’ve learned in the past 5 years is to deal with it as it hits, no use of worrying until I know for sure.

My friend John from the airport, his wife was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. She had the tumor removed but because she’s in her 60’s and where it was located; she will most likely make it until mid 2010. John and his wife don’t have any kids, or family so I will/am helping them and being his support system best I can. Joanie (his wife) will remain in the nursing home and I will help John cope with being at the house alone. I’m going to suggest that perhaps he should check himself into the nursing home, since he’s having such a hard time being alone at the house and getting around. He would have the ability to be with her and if cognoscente enough, he can check himself out once she has passed, IF she does. Cancer is funny business, it can just appear with a vengeance or sometimes just lightly, then you live to a ripe old age and end up dying from something else.. funny, funny business.

I'm not saying I'm not grateful for what I have.  I do have, not 1 but 2 jobs, a beautiful home, great family, fan-fucking-tastic friends and fuffer-cat.... All of this just sometimes seems ....very ..overwhelming at times.  My love life can,again be put on hold and it will be for awhile.. Plus, with all the working etc, I’m exhausted so it will be nice to chill out at my parents house for the next couple of days.. We are sort of “boycotting” Christmas due to the economy. My family and I decide not to buy each other gifts, but only buy for my brother’s kids. This works for me since I’m broke as usual. I will miss giving the actual gifts to my family, for that’s the bestest part about giving someone something is the joy they get from it. Big thing about my personality is the empathy portion, works for the good parts too!

More positive updates later, sorry to be the Christmas buzz kill, I never liked Christmas anyways.. :/
Post a Comment