Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Funny Bits...

“BOB, umm, yeah, Bob Vader-you know, Darth’s little brother?” – Attempting to defend myself in a political conversation with Paul. My response caught him so off guard we laughed for about and hour.

“The answer is Chocolate cake” - What my Admin friend Brad says every time I call him. One of these times he’ll be right-I just know it.

“Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much..” -What a guy at the airport sang to me to get me to go out with him. I said no by the way.

“Dear Apostles, how was your weekend? It sure is hot here. Say hey to Jesus for me! Love, Peter.." -Comedian Jim Gaffigan talking about how he had to read the “letter from Peter to the Apostles” in church and that he had make it up because he didn’t bring his glasses. (shit cracks me up!)

“Dear Apostles, how was your weekend? It sure is hot here. Say hey to Jesus for me! Love, Peter.. Oh, say hey to the Big G for me. Peace OuT!" - Kat and my take on the above

“His name was John.” -Answering Ernesto’s question about the name of the guy I had spoken to on the corner.

You could always add more corners.” -Ernesto’s answer to my question on how to make more money.

“One of these times I’m just gonna snap and all you’ll find is a pair of steaming shoes at my desk.” - explaining my frustration to my boss.

“Then can I have your shoes?” - My boss’s reply to above comment.

“Hi I’m looking for a Torino sexual, umm I mean sectional…” - telling the sales guy at Slumberland what type of sectional I was looking for.

“Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Puffs or Fruity Pebbles” - Ernesto commenting on what cereal he thinks I am.

“I don’t want to be some guy’s Pooh… or Piglet for that matter!”  – Me commenting on why I don’t date younger guys and why I don’t want to be fat and dating them.

(Squealing loudly) “Hey! An OTTER!” – What I yelled in Best Buy when I was checking out flat screen TV’s and caught a glimpse of an otter on Animal Planet.

“Paging Dr. Faggott, Dr. Faggott..” - What I heard when Kelly called me last night.

“You suck, u big sucker, you suck suckage… oh, just shut up!” - me yelling at my friend Edip last night at the airport..

“Oh come on, really? They’re JUST boobs! You can have them then!” - talking to Paco and Rocky at the RHS Happy Hour.

“No, a guitar has 5 strings..” - a drunk me telling someone at the RHS Happy Hour.

“How on earth did you end up with a groin injury? Wait! I don’t even wanna know…” - trying to explain to my trainer why I haven’t been in a leg’s class for 2 months.

“We decided you were Allen because he’s kinda weird and of how he dresses before they go out..” - Kelly explaining why I was Allen from “The Hangover”.

“Little cloven hooves that make it hard to see…” - me singing the incorrect lyrics to “My name is Satan” by Stephen Lynch

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