Thursday, September 03, 2009

Closure with Christian

Perhaps you remember this guy? I was going through my business cards not too long ago and came across his in the stack. So I did something…. I texted him.
Granted it’s been a bit over a year, I expected my number to be deleted from his phone and I didn’t expect him to remember me either. He called right away to figure out who it was that was texting him. Actually he called 5 times, before telling me via text that I was annoying for not answering or calling him back. I was at work so I couldn’t answer, but deliberately didn’t tell him that. Once he figured who I was I told him to meet me at a certain bar in his neck of the woods. Granted I had no intention of meeting him anywhere considering what he did last time we agreed to meet. So I texted him when I was in town and he requested I call. We talked briefly and he gives me directions to his house. I drive over and as I’m standing in his driveway I’m thinking…”What the hell ARE you doing? WHY are you doing this? He’s such an ass!” I figured fuck it, I’m single and every girl needs to have her pipes cleaned every once in awhile…right?

I knock on the door, he answers and lets me in. “Ahhh, K…” he says … “has anyone ever told you, that you have a shitty attitude? I don’t remember you being this bitchy when we dated.” he says. I smile, “Well, you’re right; I wasn’t this bitchy before you became a giant asshole.” “We obviously had a falling out of some kind, but I don’t remember what…so you’ll need to refresh my memory” he says. We talk about last March’s events. Instantly he says that didn’t sound like something he’d do. As I go on, he has an epiphany, “ahhh, NOW I remember” he says. He proceeds to tell me that when we were talking on the phone one night I’d told him that I had recovered from cancer 2 years previous that was a deal breaker for him. His father and grandfather both died from cancer; so it was a big deal to him in his mind, and wasn’t interested in dating someone who had health issues being that he was healthy at 33 yrs old. I sat, listened to him talk and smiled. Once he was finished with his bullshit excuse, my temper flared. “Hey psycho, that information would have been helpful last March.” I barked at him. He nods and quietly says “I know…” , he continues to tell me that he figures that I’m just like most women; needy and wanting to be with him all the time, but he is busy with his hobbies of racing cars and motorcycles. I laugh, shake my head, and interrupt him, "This is too heavy a conversation for me right now, all I want you to do is shut up and take your clothes off..” I say to my own surprise. He pauses, looks at me and says, “You’re serious?” “Yep..” I reply. “Really?.... Ok,” he says, grabs my hand, leads me to his bedroom.

25 mins later, he proclaims that we just had “too much sex..” I roll my eyes and get dressed as he lights up a cigarette and heads out to the living room. I grab my beer off the TV and tell him that once I finish the last few sips, I’ll leave. He nods. I ask, “What the hell’s up with that last comment?” He explains that he decided to have sex maybe twice a year because all women want/do 3 things;
1. Have/want babies
2. Do the “Awww, what’s the matter honey” thing and
3. Call him all the time.
He doesn’t have time for any of that… My temper flares up again and I explain that not all women are like that, I’m certainly not like that, but then again he never gave himself the opportunity to know that. He laughs, and says “yeah, sure..” I laugh back and tell him that
1. I’m as fertile as the Salt Flats, so no babies for me, nor do I want them.
2. with most guys I don’t care until you come to me with an issue, at this point I don’t really give a shit what he thinks.
3. I never called you but twice in the week we dated and I have no plans on calling you at all once I leave.
He laughs and says “yeah, right, I think you’ll be calling..” Patience depleted I roll my eyes, tell him that it’s been real, thank him for his meager services, give him a brief kiss and go for the door. As I head out the door he says “hey, I’m feeling a bit used here…” I lean into him, smile, look from side to side and whisper “that’s because you have been..” and wink. He announces to me that again he thinks I’ll be calling him. I tell him that “most of the male population thinks, but it never gets them very far…don’t count on it, I won’t be calling…” get into my car and drive off.


As I drove back into town I start thinking… Was the cancer excuse really the reason he dumped me? If so, how fucking lame is that? I think it’s just because he wasn’t as into me as he let on and the rest in between was just bullshit. Makes me wonder why I fussed over him as much as I did, well, it was mostly over the fact he stood me up. That had never happened until that night. Either way, it’s done, he’s truly an ass and thank bloody God in heaven, because the only thing he’s got going for him is that he looks like Christian Bale, his rippin’ bod and that he’s a great kisser…the sex was barely worth the 3 miles I drove to get it. Got no business ownin’ a pencil if you don’t know what to do with it..as my dad would say.
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