Sunday, April 05, 2009

Mantra

There have been a bevy of things that have happened (deaths, loss of friends, sickness etc) recently that have made me look introspectively at myself. I’ve always had a mantra that I lived by…I haven’t been keeping up with my end of it lately.

Know What You Want and Make it Happen- I’ve never been accused of not voicing what I want, but I’m not so good at making it happen. The past year has been a pain in trying to keep the house (didn’t say I wasn’t stubborn!) but all things have been attached to it. Couldn’t buy a car without affecting the house, couldn’t start school without affecting the house, couldn’t switch jobs without affecting the house. Now that the house is in the final stages of being worked on, I’m planning on getting the car, going back to school next month and possibly ditching the second job. I want my life back God Dammit!


Stand Your Ground –Always (whether it be an unpopular view or not) I haven’t been practicing this at all. I’m assuming it’s because of all the stress of the past year or so I haven’t been willing to fight since I’ve been fighting to get my household in order. I can be really lazy about this and sorta be a puss. I’m starting to stand up for myself now.


Take Time for YOU!- This one I’ve let go BIG time! I work too much and over commit myself on my days off. I’m rarely at home, even on my days off. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit on my sofa in the morning sun and read the paper with a cup of coffee. Sleep has been a rarity and stress plentiful. Now that things are calming down a bit I’m going to start taking time for me.. Take some long runs in the sun, play the guitar out on my porch, sleep outside on a summer’s night with the cat, go to the beach with Kelly and her kids..


Takes Responsibility For Yourself! (it’s ok to be wrong, if you admit it.) I learned this from my relationship with P. I try to be thoughtful enough to admit it when I’m wrong and sometimes I have to be called out “to the mat” about it. I take responsibility for the things I do, the lives I affect, the decisions I make. I do try to fix them, bandage them up if I can, sometimes it doesn’t always work but lesson learned and I don’t do it again. After all, I’m responsible for how I respond to situations and I can choose to be despairing and join the club of whiners OR I can choose to discover something about myself. At this point I don’t think there is much that I have overlooked.
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