Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Why I’d Rather Be Single and Dating

Those who know me I’m a crappy dater. I tend to get all worked up too soon, too fast or lose interest quickly. I also have tried to force myself to walk down the aisle (not once but twice) and that didn’t workout either…I’d prefer to be in a relationship-either short or long term matters not to me. I mean marriage and I plain-out just don't get along. It seems to be such hard work. I can’t speak first hand about it, since I have never been married but when I was engaged and we lived together I had to organize the cars, work, any plans, bills, finances. All that stuff-ish! It’s exhausting. Crap, I have a hard time doing that for myself! At first the thought of having children was great, but then I thought about the years I helped raise my younger brother, then I took a look our finances and ran…far, far away.

At the beginning of a marriage everyone is on their best behavior. Everyone is busy just pretending to be perfect. Sure, I’ve done it too. He's pretending to be terribly fascinated by every word you say; he’s a stud in the bedroom, and living room, and kitchen floor... And we women pretend that he's our "super hero," we wear high heels and naughty little teddies, we shave our legs and arm pits everyday. But six months later he's turned deaf and dumb, your hairy, neither one of you has brushed your teeth in God knows, you pick your nose and he picks his butt. He farts, you burp. The teddies have been replaced with sweats and flannels; he sits in front of the TV with the "game" on, mumbling something about the score, beer in hand. You barely speak to each other; you're too tired to have sex. Blah, blah, blah…..Where is the advantage here?

Dating/being a g-friend can be a lot of work as well. I find that most nights that I’m going out with a guy for the first time , I end up wasting a lot of lip gloss on nothing. Here you are; sitting across from someone you ‘hope” you’ll make some sort of connection with…if you could just squeeze that zit on his forehead…. Then there are those dates that you don’t know what the hell happened and the next thing you know you’re sneaking out through the Ladies Room window as if escaping Alcatraz.

I'd rather have my freedom, than a wife’s life. She can have the babies, the smell, the noise and the house. I’ll keep my awesome bachelorette pad, and take the men after a night out with the boys. Just give me diamonds (or emeralds, or rubies, or gold), take me to the Ritz, Rome, The Peninsula. Bring me flowers; I'll dress up like a nurse, trust me, I won’t mind.

As a serial dater I can get beautiful things, a man who is attentive and thinks I’m great all the time. See I don't mind him leaving in the middle of the night, I need my sleep anyway. I certainly don't need the snoring and tossing and turning, not to mention morning breath! The wife can have him for the weekends with those darling screaming children along with the in-laws and the white picket fence. Whilst I shop and go out with my girlfriends.

I think men have forgotten the purpose of having a woman they are just dating; they're so used to getting everything for free these days. (Why buy the cow? You get the idea.) I ask you, do wives ever just get the opp to leave at a moments notice and road trip cross country with a van of g-friends..? Well, maybe?

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