Sunday, February 25, 2007

Some Days are Just Hell.

Take today for example. It’s Friday. How can a Friday be bad right?

The 15th and the last day of every month my boss asks me to submit the last two week’s expenses for the Group. It’s quite a bit and if I do it quickly I can get it done in about an hour. Well, since I’ve started the job at the airport my “administrative” skill on tasks such as this have gone down hill. This will be the third or fourth time I’ve managed to accidentally and inadvertently leave out some detail or cost or miss something. My boss had mentioned it in my review that usually I’m dead on and rarely make mistakes but “what is happening with you lately?” seemed to be the question of the day. It’s moments like this that help me keep perspective and my sarcasm under wraps. For I wanted to say “ well ya think it’s the fact that I’m working 2 jobs, going to school, dealing with a difficult co-worker, working the annual conference with the difficult co-worker, managing the department’s largest government re-bid, plus all of my regular duties?” Instead I replied “I’m under a lot of stress, boss”.

I started to look at K. Doing the “It’s my fault, I’m a giant screw up, what the HELL is the matter with me?” stuff. Then someone triggered an obvious answer….Your over worked and no one can take on all of this on a continual basis at your age. WHAT?! . I realized I’d done this all to myself. I’m wearing myself out…slowly… When has anyone who’s known me, ever known me to not be doing 1,000 things all at once? NO ONE! I know this is a subject I tend to write a lot about. I get bored easily-so sue me! I've noticed that I seemed to be falling into the same crack that I have in the past. I do too much, get overwhelmed and constantly screw things up. Then come the complaints from my boss (boss’s), I try to fix the problem, I can’t, I get frustrated, give up and find another job. Despite all of the things that have happened recently, I still do like my job in general. I like most aspects of it and the creative portions that I deal with seem to feed that creative part of my soul that misses being a musician. I admit that I’m afraid to lose that and my job too. Overall, I do have a great group that I work for despite the idiots we sometimes end up hiring.

I’m sending in my tax info on Monday and am more actively paying into my debt in hopes of quitting the airport (or at least cutting down) by end of March. The airport drives me crazy anyway and lately it’s been quite the stressful little beastie. It sounds slightly pathetic but I can’t handle people yelling at me on a regular basis. Some people can get used to it , not take it personally or blow it off but I can’t. No matter how many times it happens. I could blow it off a bit easier when I was younger, but now that I’m older I can’t seem to understand why a person would waste the energy unless they were being treated extremely rude. I never do-so…

So… that’s about it for this week. I’m slowly fighting the good fight, and in the end, hopefully I can still obtain my sanity and job.

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