Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Reflections

Ummm, Happy New Year All!

Anyone who has a family knows that having a family isn’t always easy. I know more than a few people who dread spending the holidays with their families, and on occasion I am no exception.

Some people just don’t get along with their relatives, and know that every moment spent with “loved ones” is going to be a lesson in the fine art of patience, Golden-globe winning lip service, or severe tongue control.

I think I have a fairly decent relationship with my mom and dad. I think I get along with my folks as well as most people my age get along with their parents.I have a fairly decent relationship with my brothers. One is more complicated and trying some of the time but I’m learning and stumbling along to find that equilibrium and try to understand why he does what he does whether I agree or understand it.Thing is, I still try even though at times I have felt that I just couldn’t anymore.

I think get along well with everyone else in my extended family even though they are half a continent away and in some cases half a world away.

Still, lives change.

- People have relationships.
- People get married.
- People have kids.
- People get older.
- People get sick.
- People die.

Family dynamics evolve as relationships and people evolve, and sometimes I end up a bit surprised by it all and how we’ve changed or how I’ve changed inevitably.

I thought at this stage in my life, my life would look-well, a bit different. I have accepted a few things this year that I didn’t plan to, want to or felt I’d have and am truly ok with it all-really. It goes along with that old adage “ If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”. I had it all planned out-from beginning to end and now that it hasn't worke out I've learned not to fight, just go with the wave or flow.

I’m not always sure what to do when the people I know and love seem to be adrift or in pain.I don’t want to say anything and have them drift farther out or make the situation more painful, nor do I want to ignore it.

I’m usually just at a loss and tend to do nothing out of not knowing what to do…My intension was to call my Aunt to see how she was doing after her oldest son-my first cousin died a week ago. The same thing with my Uncle when when my Aunt died in February.

My cousin was only a year older than me and it was quite the surprise. I didn’t know what to say so my Mum called and relayed any important information to me. And I, without a family of my own, felt like I should know what to do in this kind of situation, and all I could do was be frustrated and upset. Then I find that my cousin had gotten hurt and didn’t go in to have it checked out so his death wasn’t too much of a surprise to those who interact with him regularly. So stubborn and for what? My Aunt, to me seemed to be out of danger then just suddenly pass. It was of cancer so that scared me, scared me into silence I suppose.

It makes me angry as well as sad. I know how stupid it sounds. I know time waits for no man, and if it’s your time… but I just thought they’d have more of it.
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