Saturday, May 06, 2006

The Story of an Ex-A College Tale

I don't think I've ever posted this little gem of a story about a guy I went out with briefly when I attended university in Mankato.

I originally met him through my group of friends who kept telling me that I had to meet this guy, he would be so incredible for me and he looked Patrick Swayze. Whatever. Incredible or not he had a g-friend-I wasn't interested.

I was finishing up with work one night and sat down with my friends who were in a corner booth playing 4 corners. I just started playing my first hand when my g-friend brings him over to meet me. I moved into another booth so he and I could talk. I asked about the g-friend and he informed me that they broke up recently. My g-friend had told him about me and he figured what the hell.

We started going together. Yes-he looked like Patrick Swayze, he was smart, nice and bonus-an artist! He painted me some lovely pictures that I kept for years.

Well, what was wrong with him you ask? 1. He drank like a fish 2. Was bad in bed. Granted, I was 2 years older than him so the sex part is easily forgiven, but I could not get him to stop over doing it on the drinking . It was so bad that his liver and kidneys were already going. Besides, nothing like a 125 lb girl attempting to carry a 6'2, 250 lb guy to the toilet to puke at 3am. Yeah....

After a night of partying, I invited him to crash at my place. (I lived in a double wide, 3 bed, 2 bath trailer just off campus) we had sex and fell sleep. I woke up around 4 am freezing, thinking the heat had gone out I grabbed my cat who was sleeping at the end of the bed. He was soaked through. I touched my stomach and realized I was completely soaked from my neck to my toes. I checked everything around me including my b-friend. We were all wet. I sniffed and sure enough, the asshole pissed my bed. I thought, you've got to be kidding! I grabbed the cat and went into the bathroom, cleaned him up, took a shower then attempted to get my b-friend up so he could shower while I changed the sheets and clean the mattress. I ended up spending about 45 mins dragging his ass off the bed and into the shower. I finally got everything cleaned up and clean sheets put on the bed when he finally woke up from his stupor. He asks me what the hell happened and why was I so mad? I explained I just spent the good part of an hour cleaning up his piss. He looked at me all confused and tells me that I'm lying. I informed him again that he pissed my bed, my cat and me. He actually had the nerve to get mad, convinced that I was lying. HUH?

After I convinced him that yes, he did piss everywhere, I threw him his clothes and told him to walk home, I was done. I was so mad at him I don't think I spoke to him for the better part of a week. I gave him the satisfaction of breaking up with me about a week later. "It just isn't working out," he said embarrassed. I think I threw in a comment about him pissing my bed and drinking too much. He told me that he was going back to his old g-friend. I just figured good, let her take care of his sorry ass.

We were together for 30 days. That's 30 days too long for me!

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